Falsetto

5. Falsetto.

Most voice experts divide the voice into four registers: modal (normal) voice, vocal fry, falsetto, and whistle.

Falsetto is a register capable of use by both men and women. However, such is the strength of conditioning against femininity in men of all cultures, that it is rarely used by men in in everyday speech, except for comic or musical effect. The dominant male tendency is to inhabit lower, gutteral registers which asserts their authority.

Yet, the flute-like tone of falsetto is a wonderful mode for speech. It is difficult, almost impossible to raise one’s voice or to project aggression. It is associated in the west with the finest soul music. It is thus essentially harmonious and promotes peaceful cooperation between races and nations.

Therefore, I propose that henceforth all national and international government and especially diplomatic business be conducted in falsetto.

The fifth in a series of proposals designed to make all our lives easier, more fulfilling, lovelier journeys.