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Dean Whitbread 2013

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Written on February 9, 2005, and categorized as Secret and Invisible.
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What can I say? Things are indeed looking towards heaven. I’ve seen them, things, in the street, their upturned faces scanning the clouds above for signs. Signs of improvement, hope, rain. Signs of the umbrella they lost in the gale. Signs of the kite they lost when the string snapped. Signs of a payrise, signs that death is not the end. Signs saying, “What Are You Looking Up For?”

“HB” as I have previously mentioned is the short-form monicker for The Horniest Bass Player in Christendom and this being the last leg of my Valentine Resistance Movement Month, I have made it my mission to assist him in his lovelorn quest to restore his love life.

I said I would be asking for your help, and so I am. Help. “HB” and I would really appreciate it. Thanks in advance. Scroll down and give us your advice.

How Should “HB” Present Himself Via Internet Dating To Get His Perfect Valentine’s Day Date?
Total honesty, with nothing hidden
Honest, with some potential put-offs removed
Mostly honest, with some creative enhancements
Some honesty (e.g. male, single), with a liberal sprinkle of glam
Minimum honesty, mostly a torrid tissue of fabrications designed to big the guy up
Pretend to be a member of the Norwegian Royal Family
Pretend to be a magical sexylovebeast from another dimension



  
Free polls from Pollhost.com

We are pledged to obey.

UPDATE: HB is fascinated by the poll and in a fever of anticipation. For those of you that don’t get Patois, “gwaan” translates as “go on” – i.e. VOTE. “Seen” is, erm.. seen, i.e. have a look at the results without voting. If you leave a comment, please also vote.

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This thing has 8 Comments

  1. Kate Ford
    Posted 9 February, 2005 at 4:08 pm | Permalink

    Personally I think honestly is always the best policy. You never know who you will meet so always being true to yourself is best. If you are dishonest and someone you meet falls in love with you then they are not actually in love with YOU are they? He should be honest and eventually a great girl that really loves him just as he is will find him. Won’t that be nice? Good luck HB! :o)

  2. Chromatin
    Posted 9 February, 2005 at 5:40 pm | Permalink

    Normally I would say with total honesty. You know where you stand then. However, I suspect this is not compatible with the “Perfect Valentine’s Day Date”. It depends what his flaws are and how potentially irritating/dangerous. So the 2nd option.

  3. RuKsaK
    Posted 9 February, 2005 at 11:58 pm | Permalink

    Total honesty? Total? Not sure about that – how long does it take us to get to total honesty in a relationship? How long before farting in bed? How long before saying someone’s arse looks big in something? How long before telling them their musical taste is shite?

    Nah – not sure about this ‘total’ honesty gig.

  4. Deek Deekster
    Posted 10 February, 2005 at 2:00 am | Permalink

    My own opinion is that everyone is entitled to blow their own trumpet, but that sadly, nature equipped very few of us to be able to do it…

  5. transience
    Posted 10 February, 2005 at 3:10 am | Permalink

    i just saw the word norwegian and i voted for that option. it was a lodestone.

  6. Miss Wired
    Posted 10 February, 2005 at 4:46 am | Permalink

    I like creative people so I voted for some creativity. Woo! Yeah! Creativity! Go!

  7. Laurie
    Posted 10 February, 2005 at 5:18 am | Permalink

    HB – There is no such thing as total honesty in a relationship so that shouldn’t be a consideration for your ad.

    Deek – The real question is, if you could, would you (toot your own horn, that is)? Never mind. Don’t answer that.

  8. Deek Deekster
    Posted 10 February, 2005 at 8:35 am | Permalink

    Laurie – I used to be a trombonist – but I’m alright nooooooo-oooooooo-oooooow! (you have to make the falling and rising slide sound as you say it)

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