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Dean Whitbread 2013

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Written on October 26, 2004, and categorized as Secret and Invisible.
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I may in the past have been prepared to entertain various aspects of the arcane and esoteric, but I have never been susceptible to the sort of superstition that attaches bad luck to single magpies. OK, if I see a single magpie, I will look around for it’s mate, invariably to be found by the casual eye should it bother to check. And, if I don’t find said black and white bird, that doesn’t mean I will then have that sort of creeping dread as the day’s hope drains out of me like an emptying bath. Nor do I enunciate the old folk litany which is designed to prevent said bad fortune from striking me – something which a friend handily condensed to “where’s your mate, mate ?” and check for errors in change the rest of the day. In this manner I lead a fairly rational life and keep neurosis at bay.

I have come to suspect that a certain pair of dogtooth check trousers that once belonged to this man, Adrian Huge, drummer of the Tiger Lillies are haunted. The reason for this (and it is reason) is that misfortune has befallen me sometimes as it befalls us all, but all the more often when I wear them. Which is a pity, because they are comfortable and stylish – rather like Adrian – and a good fit. I have told myself it’s just a run of bad luck coincidence with the trousers, but now I have become aware of them, I can see that I will not be wearing them again. If I keep them I will only be naggingly conscious that they have been confined to the safety of the wardrobe and although I will look at them admiringly, they will not be on my legs again.

There is nothing to be done but get rid of them before the keeping of them becomes obsessive and the fear attaches itself to the removal of the object. I have only to decide whether the haunting is specific to me, and therefore the otherwise perfectly good trousers can be given to a suitable person or charity shop, or else whether they should be thrown away. I am loathe to destroy them because they are despite their ill-omened status a fine garment. But I would consider myself foolish if I managed to pass on the haunting as well as the trousers – how long will it take the next person to realise the terrible truth ? Will they be as fortunate as I in perceiving the nature of the trousers and thus avoid tragedy ?

With this in mind, I have decided therefore to take the trousers to a religious place, probably my local church, and leave them there (bagged) with a note attached (on white card) reading the following:

Please bless these trousers before passing them on to the man who needs them.

By this means, I hope to spiritually dry-clean the trousers, drive out the trouser demon, and restore them to the place they deserve to be – on the legs of a happy and well-adjusted person of good moral character possessing the courage to live a life beyond superstition.

Postscript: I first tried to post this very early this morning and the server promptly ceased to work. The ISP I called this morning and they have no idea why. When I did manage to post it successfully over 4 hours later, the image of the trousers was missing. D.D.

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This thing has 2 Comments

  1. Deek Deekster
    Posted 26 October, 2004 at 2:32 pm | Permalink

    We have checked the server logs and cannot see anything that indicates
    why the server went down. What is weird is that the server was still
    pingable during the outage which is why we weren’t alerted sooner. The
    server came up without any errors when rebooting, so I cannot give a
    definite answer to this mystery! Maybe it is down to Halloween!

    If you require any additional information, please let me know.

    Regards,

    Technical Support Engineer
    Skymarket Ltd

  2. From my window...
    Posted 27 October, 2004 at 7:43 am | Permalink

    holy crap… the not being able to post is a definitely proof that your trousers are haunted. i once had a shirt that felt like it was haunted…but it was only a padded bra…i was 13, okay?

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