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Dean Whitbread 2013

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Written on September 17, 2011, and categorized as Flip side.
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When inanimate objects make noises like animals, you know there is something wrong.

This morning the fridge, not known for it’s canine qualities, made a noise like a pained puppy as I opened it to retrieve the last of the remaining incredible milk.

The noise happened twice, as if to underline the zoomorphism, once on pulling the door open, and again upon closing, both times emitting a credible whine, as if a tail had been stepped on by a careless human foot. Slightly startled as I sniffed the incredible milk, now in its second week of being perfectly drinkable, it occurred to me that the fridge must be possessed of remarkable powers. Not only can it retain the freshness of perishable food way beyond the usual, it can apparently imitate a small animal in distress.

Some liminal intelligence seems to be operating here.

I prepared muesli, stirring two different kinds together as a nod to self-determination, poured on the incredible milk, still fresh, when it should by now be semi-solid sub-yoghurt fit only for disposal.

As I eat breakfast, I’m thinking it needs more fruit, and staring across the kitchen at the fridge, wondering what else it has up its white metal sleeve.

That second whine was almost musical.

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