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Dean Whitbread 2013

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Written on September 16, 2006, and categorized as Secret and Invisible.
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I really do feel like complaining. I remember once when asked how I was by R my dear old friend and pal, I said, well, I’m ok, but I just feel like moaning all the time, he said, “Well, fucking well moan then! You probably need to…”

Thing is, you start a blog precisely because of the freedom it affords you in terms of expression and two and bit years down the line, you’re worrying about your readership and of stooping to the lowest common blog denominator and moaning and ranting – hang on, that’s like saying, here’s my car, I’ll go shopping with it, I’ll pick the kids up with it (not that I have any – shit! that sounds a bit pervy now) I’ll even fucking go on holiday with it – but simply drive the thing for the pleasure of it? Never! Not me! Not that I have a car anyway – they are loathsome machines and part of Satan’s plan to destroy the world. So what is wrong with simply reverting to blog-writer type, ingoring all one’s best intentions, and writing unskillfully, unedited, ungrammatically, and using words like Whatever.

You know the Bible – that book that bangs on about God and Jesus? At the end, the scary bit, it mentions Hollywood Juice such as prophecies and shit. I think that the NUMBER OF THE BEAST is YOUR MOBILE PHONE number. Or maybe it’s BAR CODES. I have no rationale for this assertion – but this is a blog, right? And I can just WRITE that and who gives a flying fuck?

You know podcasts, right? They are taking over from TV, aren’t they? Now you’ve maybe worked that out what with YouTube and everything. But did you know that TV companies are trying to take over the internet? Now, I wish this was as much bullshit moaning as the previous three paragraphs… but it isn’t! It’s true! Read this if you don’t believe me. Write to your representative. I wish I was joking, but instead, I am moaning. Also I am committing a classic blog folly – combining a mixture of personal nonsense with quite serious issues and without bothering to separate. Neither am I bothered to lift, so you’ll just have to click the link to find out.

Aside from archly referencing an ancient British brassiere advert, that last paragraph even managed to TALK ABOUT a LINK. Why do people do commit that internet crime? They should just fucking well link!!!!

Now my blog blood is really boiling… by now, I’m actually ranting, having worked myself up to it – something it takes courage not to do and which can only serve to alienate my cherished readers. Do you feel personally alienated now? Well do you? If you do – not as much as me!! I’m veering into defensive posturing, aggressive audience interrogation with lashings of hot self-pity. If I was a stand up comedian by now I’d be being heckled. If I was a band everybody would be at the bar. But because this is blog, and you know the post will only run to a few more words, you’ve come this far. Could it get any worse than this? WELL COULD IT??

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This thing has 2 Comments

  1. Indigobusiness
    Posted 16 September, 2006 at 2:50 pm | Permalink

    Whatever, indeed.

    At least you don’t mine the murky depths of Nevertheless.

    I hammer them both…often as I can.

  2. twit
    Posted 16 September, 2006 at 7:13 pm | Permalink

    Not entirely sure what that was all about, but it read like you needed to write it. A “good moan” is something I really believe in [especially if there’s erectile-tissue involved;]

    & I’m definitely with you on “the automobile”.

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