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The Other Side of Everything

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Written on May 31, 2005, and categorized as Secret and Invisible.
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Last day of May, and it’s the beginning of a short, very intense week.

Two artists are arriving from outer space to communicate their plans to save humanity from boredom, and their bizarre requirements must be accommodated. The artists will be disguised as a bear and a parrot, and it is imperative that I do not give the bear peanuts and the parrot honey. I am strugglng to resolve this task with my desire to completely unwind before taking up next month’s theme, by sitting on a park bench in the early morning summer sun to celebrate the final month of the year’s ascendency to solstice. My milk-white sack of skin requires a regular searing UV top-up, or else when the americans put the big mirrors in space and ration sunlight, I will not be able to photosynthesise.

Then there is the little matter of a certain person’s birthday. Her wish being for the holiday and anniversary rituals to be observed simultaneously, I have found a location where we can visit the rest of the world from a single place. This will mean that once the artists have been catered for, we will necessarily be leaving the comfort of our secluded city nook, and involving ourselves in a soapless pasture teeming with dangerous species. The fear of insects buzzing on beer and marijuana, and the awful stings and bites I will doubtless sustain from these intoxicated exoskeletal bullies, is causing my heart to bump my ribs at least two beats per minute faster.

Finally there is the small matter of Martha. Martha is 199 years old, and she is healthy, but asleep. I have been instructed to proceed upon the task of her resuscitation. She lies deeply buried at the moment, and has to be coaxed out over several weeks. She cannot be dragooned, or hurried, or in any way ordered to awaken. Local hoodlums are afraid of her, but she seems to like me. Thankfully my training over the past year has prepared me for this most sacred task, but even after a month of unwinding, I am going to need a brief holiday, more of a sun tan, and nerves of steel before I can begin.

I can only offer up my faithful promise to you, dear reader, that I will assemble the best possible outdoor gear for the occasion. If you have any prayers to hand, and a shred of generosity in you, offer them up now.

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